=( I’m so disapointed =)

It’s my fault, of course, assuming I understood the working of another person’s mind, when I still don’t understand my own.  But today was one of those eye-openers…  When I realize that I cannot adequately explain what drives me to write and explore characters, particularly in writing my fan fiction.  A fantasy of 25 years or so, my husband called it.  I have to confess, that hurt, though I can understand the glimpse of truth he made that assumption on and the common fascinations that would lead him to see how a character I explored so blithely in response folders and later fanfics could be seen as a fantasy.  If Kieri Vesimorn is a fantasy though, he is far too big for the label, and he doesn’t want to be.

Today was an epiphany of another kind as well.  The kind that can fix a ten-year old stagnation I’ve been working under with RELEASE.  Independence is the needed ingredient, just as much for the story as it eventually is for the main character.  Independence from the mass of other characters and their lives that have been brewing in my head all these many years.  Kieri is his own person, and his story is not that of Acaria or his parents.  I need to let him break away from all of their baggage so that he can become who he is meant to be, because otherwise, he cannot become the man I met when I first started writing about him.

So along with some much needed editing that I should have done a long time ago, I will be drawing some real lines in my stories for the first time in a long time.  It won’t happen in one day.  But at least I do have a real sense of where I am going for the first time in too long.

So, again, my husband loves me!

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