What’s With Wednesday — Age Old Issues

Every few months or so I get to wondering about what it might feel like to get old.  You see, despite the fact that I am now 43 and starting to see a nice thin streak of silver in my hair, I don’t feel like I’m any older than I ever was.

Old woman pouring tea, unknown artist, 19th ce...

Old woman pouring tea, unknown artist, 19th century, OP582 (Photo credit: Black Country Museums)

I feel much younger than I did when I was leaving college.  Back then I felt the weight of the world on me; I felt the weight of my family on me; I felt…

old and careworn.

I feel younger now than I did when I was in high school.   Then I felt responsible for so many things I couldn’t change–not that I knew it at the time–but I felt I had a job to fix them all.

I was tired and careworn.

I can vaguely remember days when I felt young.  I think it was yesterday…. or maybe this morning.

So all this thinking confused me.  What exactly is young?  What is old?

I checked the dictionary, and that didn’t really help at all.  I still feel younger now than ever.

I must be getting younger each year.

Why?

I feel a strong awareness of how short a time I have on this earth, I feel very inexperienced, and…  enthusiasm and optimism?  I have those in spades.  I can’t say I was “made or built” long ago; these 43 years are a pittance to human existence.  Barely a breath–how I would love to breathe longer!  There is so much to see and experience.  And half the time we spend here involves just getting ready to enjoy it all and see it all…  Preparation takes up years upon years of this precious time we have been given.

We live our lives backwards.

A woman thinking

A woman thinking (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And I truly believe I am growing younger.  The only possible way to say I am getting older is if the idea of appreciating how much there is comes with age.  If so, then I am ancient beyond my years… and proud of it (and  I’m glad I’m past those horrible middle years then too).

There is something amazing about real youth, the complete newness of everything.  There is also something amazing about being “old” enough to see everything for the wonder that it is and…to not give one damn if someone laughs at you if you wear a big purple hat.  In fact, I need to find myself a good big purple hat (though a Red one would look better with my coloring, it’s not so much about the looks…  It’s about the joy and the realization that being alive is …  WONDERFUL!

Young or old, I am happy to be alive.

My Row80 Check-IN

After Sunday’s check-in with the excitement of the day, I found…  nothing.  We have no real answer as to why my computer is acting up.  The only issue we can see?  It’s old.  It’s got a 2GB memory limitation on the motherboard, and part of that is shared with the video adapter.  It’s a 64-bit processor, but most things don’t seem to want to run in that mode…  And it’s only one processor, and some applications, such as my sound driver and the Microsoft Security Essentials want to demand more “brainpower” that the machine seems able to give with so many hungry programs such as Picassa, Seamonkey and Minecraft running.

Especially Minecraft.

So most of Sunday I spent reading while I watched my computer try to sort itself out.  I also checked out my laptop and found that had a virus on it.  Odd since that machine was actually running better than this one….

I didn’t get much writing done on Sunday.  Monday, I wrote.  Tuesday I wrote and attended both #teamsprinty sprints.  That’s writing and social media.  I got my sponsor visits done Monday and checked back for a few extras Tuesday.

I even got out of the house and exercised (walking around abandoned houses and meeting local horse owners) on Monday with my camera.  I’m not quite as happy with those shots as I could be, but I’m pleased enough.  It’s all a learning experience.

And lastly I’m clearing my reading pile a bit more.  Partly because I stopped trying to be so fussy about what I would read.  Craft books…  I can read craft books.  They count!  I told myself that, and now I’m off having playtime again.

It’s great to be alive and so very young.  Don’t you agree?

Please enjoy with me a wonderful poem by Maya Angelou that sums up my feels lately….  Phenomenal Woman.

20 responses to “What’s With Wednesday — Age Old Issues

  1. Pretty deep thoughts on aging. I would agree though. I don’t know if I feel younger than I did in my youth, but I feel younger than a lot of my co-workers who are half my age. Isn’t that a weird thought? Maybe I have more grey hairs, but I have more spring in my step than they do. They do seem to be much more weighed down with the cares of the world. I think that as we age we realize that so much of that stuff we used to sweat over just really doesn’t matter.

    Like

    • You might be right, Chris (although I’m not quite sure I agree with the deep thoughts part there… it’s just something I think of regularly). Maybe we really have just begun to understand how little the fluff matters. What’s that saying? Don’t sweat the small stuff? And it’s all small stuff…

      Words of wisdom there. 😀

      Like

  2. I love this post, and you. My body and soul are sometimes in disagreement about my age, but I don’t see myself becoming old in a stagnating sense…

    Lots to think about…and sad about the Minecraft issues….

    Like

    • When I wrote that comment a few years back on Facebook that said “I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror” a lot of people thought I was joking about being a vampire or something silly like that. I wasn’t. It’s always been, as you call it, my body (the mirror) and my soul (my essence or the real me) are not in agreement about much of anything.

      Oddly the mirror and I have been having fewer and fewer disputes these days, yet I still “feel” younger.

      You? You’re certainly not old. Especially not in the stagnating sense.

      Like

  3. Those #teamsprinty sprints are awesome! I’ve gotten a lot done that way in the past. Good job getting in there and writing. It sounds like your week is shaping up well.

    And I’m 45 now and can honestly say that I like my 40s. My knees aren’t quite what they used to be, and I will not be bouncing any quarters off a flat belly, but I’m way more comfortable with and confident about myself. And I don’t feel old at all.

    Like

    • LOL, Julie! I could never claim to be able to bounce quarters off my flat belly (when it was solid enough to do that, it was very round with a Boodle inside it), but I totally get you on the knees. Yeah, the machinery isn’t quite holding up to the warranty I thought I signed, but I’m doing pretty good in general. Sounds like you are too.

      Here’s to youth and living… Maybe it’s the act of being a writer and creator.

      Like

  4. I def. agree its great to be young:) I remember my 40s as the best – but every decade has its good points – old? dunno really – pyhsically I’m older than my older sister:( but inside/ well inside I still feel young – as I never use a mirror I don’t get disillusioned to often:)

    My computer tho’ yup thats old and overloaded trying to carry the load of music/puctures/trailers/ novels/ etc etc on its 2GB back – new one comes today – fingers crossed but the old one will work in tandem just with a lighter load.

    And all books count – look after yourself and keep smiling:)

    Like

    • Alberta, you know… I have heard that people we talk to are a great mirror to ourselves to, and if so… Well, yes, I’ve heard of the many stitches and issues and ills that you’ve dealt with over time, but I never thought of you as old either. I know that somewhere along the lines I read you mention something about your actual age, but even then, it didn’t seem real. You always came through the screen as someone I would have to hustle my bum to keep up with.

      So here is to my 40s, and my 50s and… May they all bring me closer to being someone like you. Inspiring.

      And here’s to that new computer. May it and your old one become long friends.

      Like

  5. I’m not sure how I feel. Older or younger. I think it depends how much screaming and how much mom is yelled. Computer issues make me feel older because sometimes I just don’t know what is going on and that makes me feel out of it. Your goals seem to be going well for you. I hope it continues that way. 🙂

    Like

    • Sometime things can make us feel older than we are just because we’re tired. I’m not sure if it’s the being tired or the stress of trying to do so much that causes it. And yeah…. Hearing “Mom!” can do it to me too sometimes. I resist as much as I can. Hopefully you’ll be able to do so soon.

      If computer stuff gets you, pick up a copy of How Computers Work to get some basics. Get the real “book” not a Kindle edition so you can look over the pictures, which are really helpful and fun. My mother got it years ago and LOVED it.

      Like

      • I have friends I call when hardware issues happen. I know just enough to not be annoying. Depending software, some friends call me because I tend to plumber and find all the ins and outs of programs (that’s my strong suit- using, not making/fixing). Scribus is my wench!

        Like

        • It’s nice to have some “go to” people for those tricky problems out of our expertise. My hubby is mine, but as former help desk and system manager for a local ISP, I have been one for a lot of people myself. I’ve never used Scribus, but I’ve heard it’s lovely. Did you get the full program?

          Like

          • I think you’re thinking of Scrivener. Scribus is a freeware layout program for PDFs. A bunch of my friends write indie RPGs (like Dungeons and Dragons, but indie), and those that can’t afford InDesign tend to use Scribus at least once. many don’t continue with it because it is the least intuitive program in the world. Still, I am the master of it among my friends.

            Like

            • Yeah… I know the difference between Scribus and Scrivener. I’ve just only used Scrivener, although my husband and I have been debating the idea of adding Scribus (as opposed to Adobe’s much more expensive software). Then we found that supposedly the company is offering the older version (2.0, I believe) for free… I was wondering if it was worth going for the newer (and rumored to be more intuitive) program as opposed to the free version.

              Which RPGs do you play? I haven’t played many recently (actually, I haven’t played many since my MechWarrior days… dang Time not hanging around longer). A friend has been trying to get me into a Changling (LA and non-RP(G)), plus I’ve hosted a few Vampire games, mostly for hangout time…

              Like

            • I haven’t tried the new Scribus, just the free one. Honestly it has its problems (like sometimes not making transparent portions of images transparent). But compared to laying it out in Word and printing it as a PDF…. It is a step up from that. A small one.

              We play a lot around here. We do the new World of Darkness (Vampire: the Requiem, Werewolf: the Foresaken, Hunter: the Vigil and so on), Savage Worlds (This is the system we’re playing now with a home brewed setting), Cyberpunk 2020, Robotech/Macross II (though our GM/my husband hates the Palladium system), and lots more… I play every Saturday and we’re always buying new games so we never know what’s next. We just bought Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the RPG, SLA Industires, and the original Warhammer Fantasy RPG (not the new one made by the people that did Dark Hersey based on the Warhammer 40k universe, which we also own and is freaking awesome, even though you whiff a lot as a starting character). We’ve also started getting our kids in to Dungeon crawls, but have yet to find the right game system for them to do that with (we’ve tried home brewed to OSR style games to Pathfinder).

              I and my family are really into gaming.

              Like

            • I love it!

              My husband isn’t a gamer, and though I think my son would like it, he doesn’t want to settle much to make a character (or work with others to play one). All things in their time though.

              Thanks for the info on Scribus. I’ll toy with the free one and see what I think.

              Like

            • Oh, one thing about Scribus that I remembered just this morning… We had a book on POD, and we got one copy to make sure everything was okay. And it was. Then we paid for another copy for a friend in Canada. That printer that made his book had issues with the PDF. Scribus apparently doesn’t make as a flat export/output, but rather layers. So there were boxes of text missing from several pages. The company that we used at the time (Lulu) put it through Adobe for us (for free) and flattened it, but that isn’t something they could/can do every time. I don’t know how you plan to use it, so I thought I should tell you about that incident.

              Like

            • Thanks for the heads up, Gloria. I haven’t actually decided what I want to do with Scribus yet. Learning things for the sake of learning them, I guess. It’s wonderful that the people at LuLu were willing to work with you on the formatting, but ultimately it’s best if you don’t have to deal with those kinds of issues at all.

              Like

  6. Pretty inspiring stuff. Those comments about perceptions of aging — Be yourself every decade! And, yes, cherish each moment. I’m very close to being a crone. I think I am a crone, so I can say these things. Embrace the crone within! And #teamsprinty sprints (I need to learn more about this). Good luck on that new computer. Maybe not Windows 8?

    Like

    • Be a Crone, Beth. The crones I’ve known are amazing women.

      As for the new computer… Um, no new one here. Just my plain old machine with lots of pictures and memories in it. Someday there will be a new computer, but not while I can get more time out of this one.

      Like