Moving On — #WIPpet Wednesday/#ROW80

I had a hard time figuring out what to use for my #WIPpet today.  Since today is the 22nd, it felt a bit rude to give you 22 paragraphs.  I’m never sure when I count sentences if those one word exclamations such as “Mother!” or “F*ck!” should count as sentences or not (I usually count in favor of them being sentences).  And tossing you all in with completely new characters seems a bit rude too…

I’m giving you four paragraphs…2 plus 2 from 22.   I’m sticking with Alanii’s story in Swan Song a bit longer, but moving on to what is starting to look like it will be Chapter 5…  which works for the month of May.

Alanii felt himself start from the dream—no, that was no dream, that had been a horror—and one he’d have sooner forgotten. Instead, a sudden awareness that something was wrong took him. Not something as vivid as the terror he’d just imagined. This was vaguer, less tangible, but so much more omnipresent. Something was going to happen, soon. He didn’t know what, but he knew.

Not worrying much about propriety, he grabbed up his breeches and stumbled out of the bedroom that he’d been given. A flash of something like warning, a sense that he dare not attract too much attention to himself made him stop short of making more noise however, and he ducked himself back into his room and pulled on enough clothing that he would not risk being caught naked if he were seen prowling the halls.

Seen? he realized with some unease that he hadn’t been seen already. Where was the guardsman who normally would have been posted outside his doorway? When he’d gone to bed, it had been one of Lanilis Kailiis’s normal escort, and though he knew the soldiers traded off and on during the night, he should have at least seen that man, if not another semi-familiar face.

New Gym Hallway

Empty Halls

Instead, the hallway had been empty.

Creation of K.L. Schwengel at My Random Muse #WIPpet writers post pieces of a draft (Work In Progress) that somehow relate with the date for commentary and consideration.  Feel free to comment and visit other #WIPpeters.   We love the company.

ROW80 Check-in

Since Sunday I managed to keep pace most days with my writing.  I missed my five sentences yesterday due to being sick.  I hate migraines, but they are somewhat treatable with a prescription.  Food poisoning…it took me out from Monday afternoon to last night.

Dandelion Love

Dandelion Love

No day is a complete waste.  I’m starting to learn that.  Even though I didn’t feel much energy to write, I got a little reading done, I did some editing, and I watched a few of my favorite shows again with a critical eye.  While screenwriters have to move things faster (and can because they don’t need to offer descriptions of place and character as much), they still need to foreshadow events; they need to develop characters so we feel attracted to them, stuff like that.

So I watched some Grimm and Doctor Who to see why I liked certain characters more than others.  I tried to see where different producers used the same situation to a different effect…

I did nothing major for my ROW80 Fitness goals, just some running and skipping with my son on Monday before his fencing lesson.  I’m up for some jaunting today though.  😀

The ROW80 Writing Challenge is the brainchild of author Kait Nolan who felt that in a world of WriMos and FastDrafts, people who want become authors  need something that promoted the daily habit of the writing life.  Feel free to visit some of our other members here.

26 responses to “Moving On — #WIPpet Wednesday/#ROW80

  1. I really enjoyed this excerpt Eden. You captured Alanii’s sense of unease wonderfully well. I, like him, wonder what on earth is going on.


    • Well, cool! Glad to know that I’m portraying this well. In these small pieces it’s so hard to be sure that I’m getting all of the emotion through.

      Thanks, Elaine, for stopping in and reading.


  2. Sorry about your migraine and food poisoning. Rough week! I’m impressed that you managed to pull something productive out of all of that.

    Nice tension building in those paragraphs, it makes me wonder what the heck happened.

    And I’d say that one-word exclamations definitely count as sentences… unless that makes you cut things off at an awkward moment, in which case I say make it work for you. 😉


    • I like that philosophy, Kate. Make it work for you…

      It wasn’t really a bad week, just a bad last few days. My fault for not throwing away that half of my son’s egg sandwich…

      Though talk about tension building… I just finished reading your ‘pet post. Oh! You were evil stopping where you did!

      Thanks for commenting, Kate.


  3. What a beautifully creepy moment! The “so disturbed I’m running into the hall naked” moment is a great touch!


    • It’s got to be a great moment to watch… I mean, when I first came up with my impression of Alanii, I pictured him as looking like a cross between Pierce Brosnan (during his James Bond period) and now Lee Phillip, though with blue eyes. Yeah, I’d watch him wander down the hall naked. 😉

      (oh, yeah, there is that creepy part though…)


  4. This is intriguing and I like Alanii’s unease that something’s not quite right slowly dawning on him. And just where is the guardsman…?


    • Yeah… where is that guardsman? Did he just wander off for a nip of beer, or is something more dastardly afoot? 😉

      I think that we all realize the danger we’re in more slowly than is safe at one time or another. I’m glad Alanii’s nature is coming through in these pieces.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Kate.


  5. Your son gets fencing lessons?!!? Will you adopt me?

    This is a great excerpt and I love how he’s slow on the uptake that someone is missing from outside his door. I’ve had those dreams that hold onto you as you stumble around trying to make sense of being awake. Good job.


    • My son started fencing lessons last week… it’s only his second lesson, but if he likes them, yeah, we’ll keep doing it. The studio is only 5 miles away…. (re: adoption–do you like cats? Will you help fold laundry? Do you mind lots of music both live practice and recorded being played at almost all hours? Can you provide your own transportation?)

      I think the “slow on the uptake” part is what I best love about this piece, if I had to pick a point. It just felt natural (though I tend to be one of those “snaps awake” people myself).

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Kathi.


      • Cats, yes. Laundry, sure. Music at all hours . . . well, there are always ear buds, and for fencing lessons 5 miles away I can adjust. Transportation, no problem! But, um, I don’t do windows and really hate doing dishes. 😉


        • Hmmm, not so sure about that windows thing… 😉

          Truth is though, there’s pretty much a couchsurfable couch in our living room for any takers. And oddly enough… I actually enjoy doing dishes, but I hate doing laundry.


  6. “No day is a complete waste” is something that I am most definitely trying to remember. Sorry to hear about the migraine and food poisoning, but I’m glad you got some TV watching in! And I love the excerpt that you shared–lots of good atmosphere.

    Have a great rest of the week!


    • Thanks, Lena.

      I need to make a poster that says “No day is a complete waste (unless you let it be one)”. Sometimes I need the reminder myself.

      Thanks for the kind thoughts and especially the visit. And hopefully your dissertation is going well, Lena. I’ll have to post my sloth pics on Friday… not that came out well. Sloths move fast.


  7. I’m sorry to hear that you were struck down by a migraine, and I hope that you are feeling better!

    WIPpet sounds interesting… I may have to give that a shot next week 🙂


    • It’s a wonderful little (and growing) group. Check out some more #WIPpeters and see what you think. I’m finding it’s really making me focus on my stories again.

      And thank you, Christina, for you kind words about the migraine. They suck, but I did finally get my prescription filled. It’s a lot better now.


  8. Thank you, Eden, for sharing your writing-in-progress. This #WIPpet seems like a good way to keep the words falling onto paper. Your character was immediately empathetic to me for his stumbling around and slowly realizing the level of menace he may face. May the coming week be without a migraine — and with more good words.


    • You’re so right about the #WIPpet inspiring me to write. I have to go through and give serious consideration at each point…does it tell too much, are people going to be confused, etc.

      And of course, I can’t share what I haven’t written…. 🙂

      Thank you, Beth, both for your kind words and your well wishes. May your week be wonderful too.


  9. I love how you can find yourself so productive (watching shows critically, etc.) even on days when you’re not writing as much. Sounds like Alanii might be in some trouble, too, what with the empty hallway and such. Nice job!


    • Alana, I look at all the books you’ve written and all you’ve accomplished and I wonder how I can be so unproductive… I’m lucky that my husband often is here to help out and take care of things when I’m not up to it. And yesterday my son was in school…since he only goes two days a week and I homeschool the other days, yesterday was easier than it might have been.

      But then you homeschool too, so you know how it can be, We do what we can, when we can. And that includes rest….

      And yep, Alanii’s in trouble.


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  11. I’m sorry you had a sucky health week. I get migraines too and they are miserable – I always feel like a junky when I’ve been struck down, because I can’t ever find that medication fast enough.

    I enjoyed your WIPpet (and I’m definitely in the camp make-the-math-work-for-you). You conveyed that sense of impending disaster well!


    • Eh, sucky weeks end, things get better… I’ll be better soon enough. It’s not all bad anyway. I learned a bunch of new things and spent some wonderful time with my son. It just was hard to concentrate on a lot of writing things.

      Thanks for the kind words about my WIPpet. I figured creative math would okay at least once. If anyone complained, I’d have done something different next time. 😀

      Hope you have an awesome week, Raewyn.


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