Present Only In Thought

It’s WIPpet Wednesday, yet again.  That wonderful day of the week when I and several fellow writers share something of a work in progress to bemuse and delight you….

Before that, I wanted to note an upcoming event that I love…  JuNoWriMo is coming soon.  If you’re a fan of Writing Months, like NaNoWriMo or the more relaxed CampNaNoWriMos…  or events like Story-A-Day (going on now!), you might like to join our summery crew.  We’re a relaxed group, we love to sprint for words, and…  we have cookies.

Okay…  maybe we don’t have cookies.  Well, not exactly.  I have cookies.  Does that count?

Insert creepy monotone voice here (courtesy of QuickMeme)

Insert creepy monotone voice here

Anyway, JuNoWriMo!  Join us!

With love, a long time JuNoRebel and SprintLeader

WIPpet

This week, I chose an excerpt from another “sandbox” piece… that is, a piece from another of my fanfictions: this time, The Dots (of which the oft quoted Was Long Variation is…  a variation).  Eleven sentences for May 6th (5/6):

He’d heard enough about the man.  Between mistrust the children still felt toward him and how perfect this Captain had obviously been, it was all he heard.  The children raved of how they loved the man.  Atyriaa talked of how he’d intrigued her.

She whispered his name in her sleep.

He was heartily sick of the man. He didn’t know him, but he’d grown to despise him nonetheless. Years of misunderstanding didn’t hold him from his lady’s side now. Now he slept in the same bed with her—, but he wasn’t allowed to hold her.

Last night he’d left the room. He refused to sleep with another man, even one present only in thought.

Oh… silly, silly, Alanii.  You’ve got a lot to learn, don’t you?  And not just about the man Atyr slept with once….

Anyway, that’s it for me.  Why not visit some other WIPpeteers and see what they’re working on.  New authors are always welcome.  Just follow a few simple rules:  offer up a shout out to the Keeper of the WIPpets (and flying monkeys) KLSchwengel at My Random Muse, and make your excerpt have something to do with the date.  Oh…  and add your link to our linky list so we can find your work.

 

41 responses to “Present Only In Thought

  1. I love your post and am excited to write in June. I enjoyed your excerpt and the Furby picture! Best wishes! xoxo

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  2. Nicole Nally

    I kind of really want to know The Man’s name now. I like the excerpt, it sort of shows how annoying someone can become when you talk bout it too much and lets us see a bit of that silly male jealousy coming through.

    Also, I’m now signing up for JuNoWriMo to give me the kick up the bum I need to get around to finishing some stuff. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Oh, there’s a lot going on about “The Man” that’s going to bother Alanii. Most of it has nothing to do with the fact that The Man slept with the love of his life. Alanii just doesn’t know that part yet….

      And yay for joining in the delightful madness that is JuNoWriMo. Be sure to join in the sprints during June. We have a hoot then, and we get words written too.

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  3. I only have a bit of these stories and I want more. Atyr is a wonderful character!

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    • Thank you, Susan. I have it on good authority that Atyr will allow me to write more about her in the near future. Though first I need to finish Alanii’s story.

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  4. You know, maybe Alanii doesn’t need to fear competition, but if my husband started whispering another woman’s name in his sleep, I’d leave the room, too. Or rather, Beloved will have WISHED I just left the room. More likely there would be blood and tears. So, I sympathize with Alanii here. 🙂

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    • I think it would depend for me how the whispers were made. I talk in my sleep a lot, and lately I’ve been having a rash of dreams about college and high school and work all combined in that strange dream-logic way that things that never connected in real life all seem to fit together seamlessly… and my husband has heard me mention some old boyfriends… and friends and bosses and pets, etc. It’s not an attraction thing or anything like that. I just mutter my dreams aloud at times.

      Not to say Atyr is doing that… but I will say her dreams aren’t all that good.

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  5. I really like how you put that – “refused to sleep with another man.”
    Great job.

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    • Thanks, Alana. It’s such a very Alanii-style statement. Which is funny… since he’s shared bunks with men before in wartime without blinking. There’s the battlefield and there’s the battle, I guess.

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  6. I did horribly at NaNoWriMo last year, so I don’t think you can convince me try sooner even if you bribed me! I do, however, wish you the best with your endeavor! 😀

    You show great reason for agitation and convey Alanii’s frustrations well. I’m pretty sure with all that I’d leave the bed too.

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    • Not even for cookies? Or just general rebelling fun? (you’ll probably laugh when I tell you my JuNoWriMo goal–to add and delete 50K words from Courting the Swan Song… yeah, I’m in full-edit mode)

      Alanii’s been a saint lately… and no one else seems to realize what they’re putting him through

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      • Laugh? Madame, I’m intrigued to be honest! Do you need to add stuff but at the same time there’s dead weight you’re aware of and need to remove? Or, perhaps you’re deleting and rewriting those sections from scratch, rather than just edit them?

        And, sadly, cookies aren’t that big of a draw (when I have strawberry short cake in the frig). As for rebelling, I got that covered. I’m buying bleach this weekend so I can turn my hair partially azure! 😉

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        • Azure will look lovely! Go for it.

          As for the editing… it’s a bit of both. I intentionally overwrote some scenes when I started the story, because I was trying to capture some elusive secondary characters. And there are some transition scenes I still need to work on (and a few I still need to write). The overwritten scenes have a lot of scenery and description that just doesn’t need to be there, but it needed to be in my head/on the page for a time.

          Yeah… it IS hard to tempt someone with cookies when it’s strawberry season soon and shortcake abounds. I totally get you there.

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  7. I can understand why he’s so sick of hearing about this guy. That would get to most people, even if the resentment isn’t justified.

    I’d love to join in JuNoWriMo. If I can finish my radical rewrites and restructurings of my first four Atlantic City books by the end of the summer, that would be perfect. By June, I’ll be ready to start in on the third.

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    • Oh, the resentment is pretty much justified. Alanii is putting up with a lot of grief from Atyr’s family, except for their daughter and Atyr herself. But sometimes we try to work things out in our sleep, trying to fix the bad things that happened…

      I’m a big believer in making my writing challenges work for me. I’m counting words added and deleted toward my 50K (I’m being a rebel) as I’m in edit-mode. The words can’t be random garbage I wrote for the sake of deleting. I’m rebelling fairly. But the JuNoWriMo is like the camps in that it can be anything, even rewrites, that you’re working on…. So, hopefully you’ll be able to join in. But if not, there are still Albany NVWM gatherings on Sundays.

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  8. Those furbies are… disturbing.

    Poor Alanii. I understand his feelings but it doesn’t sound like he’s helping his cause much!

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    • Mission–success!

      Alanii can be delightfully oblivious of what’s really going on… an interesting situation for an empath, but then, he’s powerful enough when he lets himself feel what others are sending his way that he gets easily overwhelmed and he just reacts.

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  9. Ooh, someone’s jealous. That would be difficult, I think, having to live with the reputation of someone else. Still, he might show a bit more trust.

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    • It’s hard to trust when you’re dealing with the woman who broke your heart and left you almost twenty years ago without bothering to tell you that she was pregnant for your child…. Alanii’s trust issues are justified some. And Atyr had her reasons for leaving back then… but they do love each other.

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  10. Thanks for sharing a bit of your work. Good luck with JuNoWriMo!

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  11. Poor Alanii. It’s got to be tough to be him. 😉

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  12. Intriguing excerpt!

    Junowrimo is tempting, but but with the next big translation to work on, I know I would feel guilty spending more than an hour or two on the writing a day. Still, I will ponder … 🙂

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  13. Oh, oh, oh… *tunes voice, then sings out* “I know who it is! I know who it is!”

    And, oh, Alanii…I think you’re not going to like this…but it’ll make a great story.

    You’ve nudged me enough. Signing up for JuNo now, before I write today’s Story a Day – and if the pretty and ridiculously tough Vulcan lady drops me with a nerve pinch because I made her wait for her daily dose of Chief Engineering, I blame you! =)

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    • Shhh! Don’t tell everyone. 😉

      (granted, I think it does make a great story too).

      Yay for the JuNo! Glad to have you there. Besides… I think Niian (sp?… btw, I really, really love the name, you know) and Kaivelt need some airtime too!

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  14. Junowrimo sounds cool, though I won’t be participating myself. I’m a huge advocate of writing months,though (I’m an ML for Nanowrimo, which is partly why I take the off-season…off….heh). So I wish for you all the plot bunnies you need, with some word ninjas thrown in for good measure!
    I like your excerpt, too. I love how there’s a character that isn’t physically present, but still completely there. Very interesting conflict. Not like he can just throw a punch and deal with it!

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    • Ooh! Word ninjas… I’ve haven’t worked with those before, but I’ve heard they are very effective. 🙂

      Another ML! Neat… Our ML hosts an all year round one-night a week writing group…. It’s been very helpful for keeping me inspired.

      As for Alanii’s situation… no, he can’t, but then I don’t see him throwing that punch. He plays by a very different set of rules.

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  15. Can’t blame the guy for leaving the room. Wonder why his kids don’t trust him?

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    • Hmm, I can (of course, I’m the writer… I know the reasons, so I know why I think he should stay 😀 ) Long story, mostly based on things other people told then, and his own very bad reaction when he found out about them.

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  16. Great post and I’m glad your doing JuNoWriMo this year! Thanks for joining the blog hop 🙂

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