Almost Redacted

So…  something new for me this week.  It may become a regular feature.  I’m trying it out for now and basking in the glow and energy of another wonderfully diverse and creative writers…

What am I talking about?  The Weekend Writing Warriors, that’s who, and I’ve joined in their weekly bloghop #8Sunday.

The rules are pretty simple.  You can check them out the WeWriWa blog where you can also find the linky list of all the writers who are participating in the hop each week.


My eight sentences come out of the first scene in Courting the Swan Song where Alanii is railing against the commander of his father’s personal guard for …  well, pretty much everything.  And the commander has listened oh, so very patiently.  Very patiently….

Alanii looked directly in the other man’s eyes and snarled. “These are my friends, some of them must still be close enough to be my blood kin, and Father’s too, and if they don’t exist, how much more do those books deny me of the world? How prepared for my duty as Andar if I can’t even read the truth that I live with almost every day?”

He stopped short, realizing he had nothing else to say and that he very likely shouldn’t have said what he had. His temper once again had cursed those he cared for.

At least this time his friends weren’t going to be the only ones to suffer for it. Alanii could only imagine that his father would have his name redacted from the histories and genealogies the way his unknown aunt’s had been for this treasonous spiel.

The Commander’s quiet voice broke through his pensive retreat. “Her name was Audorne Jisalur.”

That’s all there is to it.   Hope you enjoyed this piece.   I’ll be posting another snippet of my work mid-week for WIPpet Wendesday.

48 responses to “Almost Redacted

  1. Oh, Alanii…too little, too late. Maybe you should take a tip from Trip Tucker and stick tongue firmly in cheek…wait…that doesn’t really stop Trip from saying the wrong thing at the worst time…so, uh, never mind.

    And how unexpected to get the name that way….I want more.

    And ‘Listii…but you knew that already. =)

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    • ‘Listii has been being stubborn lately. He wants to talk and tell me things, but he insists they aren’t things he wants other people to know yet. (It’s that ‘yet’ that gives me hope… Surely all this awesome stuff can be shared once he’s comfortable with the idea.)

      As a teenager, Alanii is/was very talented with sticking his foot in his mouth…. and, as ‘Listii would say “not much has changed”

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  2. Welcome! And with an excellent start. I can’t wait to read more. I look forward to seeing you again.

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  3. How mysterious!

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  4. I like that line about his temper cursing those he cares for.

    Fun idea for a weekend hop!

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    • Thanks, but it’s not my idea, Deniz. The Weekend Writing Warriors have been around for a while. I like the way the samples are limited in size, and how people can sign up sharing their genre, etc.. Maybe you’ll join too?

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  5. Great snippet! Really liked his outburst and the slight cliffhanger at the end. Great work!

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  6. Great 8! Oh, the risk of speaking our minds when the potential to be erased from history exists. Monarchy’s always intrigue me.
    I’m new at this #8Sunday snippet thing too, Eden. Seems like a supportive group of folks.

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    • Thank you! It’s true… of course, it’s mostly because we value our own history so much. So much for Alanii being as humble as he likes to think he is. 😀

      And yes, the WeWriWa group definitely is a friendly group.

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  7. Welcome to WWW! I’ve found it to be a very fun and supportive group. Loved the snippet- stirred up all kinds of interesting story questions.

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    • Thanks, Alexis. I love what I’ve seen and experienced of the WeWriWa group. So many, many different kinds of stories… 🙂 Glad you enjoyed my piece as well.

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  8. Hello! Interesting twist at the end.

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  9. Heavy is the head that will wear the crown I guess.

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  10. Interesting snippet, hints of a lot of things going on. Welcome to the group and I enjoyed the excerpt!

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  11. Wow, love your language and style, Eden! Great eight!

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  12. Welcome to the blog hop, Eden. I’ve been on the circuit for just a few months, but it’s a good way to get to know other writers and their work.

    It seems Alanii’s outburst may have been the right thing to do at the right time.

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  13. Very interesting snippet! I’m glad he wasn’t punished for his outburst–sounds like he lives in dangerous times. . .

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    • Thanks, Sarah. I hesitate to say he was/wasn’t punished… Just because he got some information he wanted doesn’t mean that bad things can’t happen as a result of his outburst.

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  14. Now I want to know more about him, his world, and his father.

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  15. siobhanmuir

    Interesting dilemma. Great snippet, Eden. 🙂

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  16. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Welcome to the Snippet Sunday! Enjoyed your snippet. I’m intrigued to know more. 🙂

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  17. Intriguing snippet. Can’t wait to read more!

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  18. Intriguing snippet. look forward to reading more.

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  19. An intriguing opening piece… It’s engrossing, right from the start.

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    • Thanks, Jeff. It’s not an opening sample, but I’d like to hope that the story in engrossing all the way through. 😀

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  20. Welcome to Sunday Snippets! Your world already has me intrigued and wanting more.

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  21. Eden, welcome and thanks for introducing us to your style of writing. See you next week with pleasure.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Hi Eden. Outstanding snippet. The writing is crisp and tight. Nicely done. I can’t tell you why, but this line stood out. “The Commander’s quiet voice broke through his pensive retreat.” I just felt it when I read it. I know that sounds funny. 🙂

    Welcome to wewriwa! We’re so glad you decided to give it a try. 🙂

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    • Thank you, Teresa. If you only knew…. in my Scrivener files for that section, I have a note “rambling–MUST get to point” for myself. Thank you for telling me it’s crisp and tight. Sometimes… I think we writers are harder on ourselves than anyone else is.

      And thank you for the welcome. I’m enjoying my foray into your blog hop. A great bunch of writers and creators!

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