You CAN Have That

c1ea5-www_1Well come to my second foray into the Weekend Writing Warriors blog hop.  Last week I stepped into the pool and found the water was wonderful.

The rules are pretty simple.  You can find a complete set here, but basically you first sign up on the main WeWriWa page .  Then on your Sunday post, first link to the bloghop, then post your excerpt (8-10 sentences, no more).

For this week’s offering, I’ve chosen ten sentences for you.

Alanii had asked why, though the Guardsman had put him off.  It hadn’t seemed to matter that he’d eventually gotten annoyed enough to demand the man stop and stand still and tell him what he’d meant.  Indeed the commander had bowed low and deep, nearly deep enough he’d have wondered if the man would kiss his boots as he’d seen some house guards do, particularly in the Harnii estate.  He’d been more than a little disappointed at the man’s sudden obeisance given that he had little respect for toadying from anyone.

Priests were the ultimate toadies, in his opinion, praising everyone with sly insults and scolds.  At least Lanilis Kailiis did little more than bow and apologize for being unable to comply.  The man even agreed when Alanii bitterly snapped in frustration that he should have the commander strung up by his own men and flogged for his disobedience.

Then the man had chilled his bones saying, “And this is what I mean, my lord.  You can have that done; it’s both your right and your obligation to punish me for insubordination to the crown, and it does not matter that I am innocent as well as guilty, honoring my oath to your father in defiance of my duty to you.

This excerpt comes from the first chapter of my present WIP (Work In Progress)  Courting the Swan Song, book one of the Swan Song Series.  I hope you enjoyed it.  If you would like to read other snippets of this work, you may want to check out my mid-week offerings for the WIPpet Wednesday bloghop.  As June (and the JuNoWriMo) approaches, I will be dedicating my writing efforts to getting CTSS into a state for beta readers by August.

Thank you for your visit.  And thanks in advance for any comment-love you offer.  I love to hear from you.  ♥

62 responses to “You CAN Have That

  1. I’m intrigued now *blink blink*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That last paragraph is fantastic–it introduces one of the pitfalls of the society you’ve created and also holds potential for character development on Alanii’s (petulant) part.

    Very nicely done!

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  3. He sure doesn’t seem too happy to be with those people.

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  4. It’s a good excerpt, gives us a deep look into Alanii’s thought process and shows us quite a bit about the man’s personality. Cliff hanger ending too, gotta love those!

    As a moderator though I have to mention that I count 11 sentences. We know mistakes happen, just please be careful counting. We’re glad to have you along on WeWriWa 🙂

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    • Ack! I counted and re-counted those sentences five times, sure I’d kept the post within the limits. I am so very sorry, Marcia. Perhaps it was the semi-colon?

      I’m glad you enjoyed the writing otherwise.

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    • Fixed it. I’d forgot to add the dialogue tagging, which fixed some of it. Sorry again

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  5. Very interesting! Great eight!

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  6. Interesting and a touch sinister.

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  7. Loving this ….these snippets are getting more and more intriguing.

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  8. That last paragraph is awesome! I want more of this novel — when is it coming out? (Ha! Yeah. I’m one to talk…)

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    • Thanks, P.T. I’m hoping to finish the draft this June and have it out to betas by August. But… I’m one to talk too…. I’m not good with deadlines.

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  9. Fascinating look into another time and place and well told. Thanks, Eden.

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  10. Welcome to wewriwa!!! I’m sure you’ll have a blast and everyone is awesome. Lovely snippet 🙂

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  11. Wow, this snippet did a great job illustrating the character and providing a glimpse into a fascinating and possibly very brutal world.

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  12. evelynjules

    Well, allow me to belatedly welcome you to the party, Eden! Wonderful excerpt! So happy to have you joining the WWW! 🙂

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  13. Not a good position to be in, no matter which of these men you are! I do like the way Alanii has so much difficulty dealing with the intricacies of his station and all the intrigues going on around him, especially since I know that he’ll eventually end up perpetrating more than a few himself….

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  14. Tough decision and position. I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out. 🙂

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  15. Alanii really seems to be caught up in a web of intrigues and manipulations. I’m interested to find out more about his world and how he deals with it.

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  16. I’m curious about what’s owed to his father. Nice excerpt.

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  17. Welcome Eden! I have made many friends here and am sure you will too! Great snippet! What a great idea to have a mid-week sample 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, Dani. Thanks for stopping in and your kind words about my snippet. The WIPpet wasn’t my idea. Krista Walsh started it a few years ago, but now KLSchwengel hosts the bloghop. It’s similar to the WeWriWa. Feel free to join in this week when the link goes live.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I liked the guardsman’s reply, delivering quite a lesson eloquently. Excellent excerpt!

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  19. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Interesting look into Alanii’s thought process. I’m intrigued and want to know more. 🙂

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  20. I like ‘innocent as well as guilty’. I’m not sure how to pronounce names, though. A-LAAN-ee-ee? Keye-lee-ees?

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    • Lol, Ed. It’s actually Ah-lonh-ee and Kuy-ih-lis. Though my husband likes to tease me that the double I is really a U with an umlaut (eg. Ah-lonh-ooo). In the end though, I won’t be there to offer pronounciations to readers, so it’s however your brain connects with the letters.

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  21. I love it, Eden! I look forward to next week!! But what is JuNoWriNo? Like its November counterpart? Awesome!

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    • Thanks, Sara. I hope the story continues to appeal.

      JuNoWriMo is a bit like a cross between the November challenge and the “CampNaNo” theme. It started the year before the Office of Letters and Light created the Camps, because the founders Becca and Anna wanted a second challenge but also wanted a bit more flexibility in their projects. And so…. it’s a fun event.

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  22. I got a good sense of Alanii and her world. This seems like an interesting read. Good job!

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  23. Power is so easy to abuse… but it has to be difficult to be told you can’t know something, without knowing why!

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    • Well, not quite ‘not knowing why’. I think Alanii suspected he wasn’t being told because his father didn’t want him to know certain things. But that added its own level of frustration.

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  24. Cliff hangar ending – arghh! But Great. I scrolled down and check out the cat photos – fabulous. 🙂

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    • Sorry (sort of) about the cliffhanger, Victoria. The paragraph actually continues, but I had to do some creative punctuation to make it 10 sentences as it was. And thank you for visiting my kitties. Mr. Kitty is glad for any and all attention he gets (though he’ll hide until he’s used to you).

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  25. “and it does not matter that I am innocent” – not “if” I am innocent – wow – what a powerful line.

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    • Thanks, Daryl. I’m glad you noticed that… the phrasing was intended, and I’m glad to know it carries the weight it was meant to.

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  26. Sometimes protocol is a necessary evil. I wonder if Lanilis will ever be punished for insubordination? This snippet give a great window into his character.

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    • Sometimes I think having to deal with Alanii is punishment enough… and if it is, Lanilis will be paying for this the rest of his life. Thanks for stopping in, Jenna

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  27. I love the word, “toadies”. It’s so evocative. Kudos on your snippet. You reveal a lot here without it feeling like an info dump– which isn’t easy.

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    • Thanks, Jeff. I’m a huge believer in the idea that the way we refer to others says a lot more about us than it does about them. So, though Alanii is one of my favorite characters, I wanted to show he’s not just bunnies and light. He’s a bit of a brat, arrogant and ignorant. And… he was getting a bit of learning whether he wanted it or not. 😀

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  28. “it does not matter that I am innocent as well as guilty, honoring my oath to your father in defiance of my duty to you.” … Love this snippet. Thanks for sharing.

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  29. Ooh, loved this excerpt! Great characterization throughout, I really ‘hear’ the voice of this character coming through. I especially loved the last bit – it ran chills up and down my arms reading that. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW what happened there. Well done!

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  30. Very intriguing! I look forward to reading more from you and getting to know your characters. Great work!

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