What He Saw

As this is the last WIPpet of June (and I’ll be done with the madness that is JuNoWriMo by next week), I’ll give you all a choice:

  • more Was Long Variation
  • bring back The Swan Song Series
  • We Want Something Else!

For now though, it’s the Was Long Variation.  We’re still in Kieri’s head here (remember how I said he was the only one who knew that?  Tiiran is the alias he’s been using).  The “she” is Atyr.

WIPpet Maths:
Simple ones today 6-24+20-15 =23; 2+3 = 5  shortish paragraphs

Tiiran spent most of the meal watching the woman. He tried to convince himself that he needed to figure her out before the group of them got into trouble. It wasn’t as if Jayce would be his usual cautious self around her.

But the truth was she enticed him in a dangerously familiar way. He watched her, knowing he was watching her and wanting to do more than watch, yet wishing he wasn’t. So distracted did he allow himself to become that Jayce and Keith were able to spike his coffee with something bitter. Drawn from his reverie, he gagged. After failing to settle his reflexes, he staggered toward the bathroom.

He wondered if the queen had noticed the wink that Jayce and Keith shared, and extending his talent recklessly, kept his Sight on the room. His talent-enhanced vision saw the woman’s gaze flash from youth to youth knowingly, her pursed lips and the restrained sigh.

Then as he was already withdrawing his Sight, he Saw the woman’s gaze lock with his own. For a moment his mind was held while her blue eyes filled his vision. He jerked back, almost clawing himself free. When he found the release of his own body, he slumped against the toilet. Reaction set in. He clutched the icy porcelain and threw up all he’d eaten all day.

He’d have to be more careful. A lot more careful….

Have you checked out  the WIPpet linky?   You can find more awesome snippets there to read.  Have fun, enjoy…  and come back next week for more!    Thank you,  KLSchwengel, for hosting our writerly silliness. 😀

And…  because it’s fun:

18 responses to “What He Saw

  1. The gift of Sight certainly sounds a lot more interesting than even Superman’s X-ray vision. It also doesn’t seem like an easy gift to have.


    • It’s not the easiest thing to live with, but it’s part of who Kieri is, and always has been. It also doesn’t help that he’s completely untrained in the skills he holds, so he gets himself into some pickles just trying to use them.


  2. I really liked that part toward the end where he realizes she can see him too. And poor Kieri! I wonder what those two gave him. Sounds awful.


    • Sometimes we get so used to being the ‘special one’ we don’t expect to be caught in the act… It was suitably nasty. I’m thinking balsamic vinegar or something equally yummy, maybe ground up aspirin.


  3. It’s all fun and games till someone gets succotash on his stole…just saying….

    I like the interplay here, and the boys will be boys-ness of it. But this bit confused me a bit:

    **When he found the release of his own body, he slumped against the toilet.**

    I’m not exactly sure what this means….maybe the context is in the surrounding paragraphs, though….

    I’d love any of the options, but something new could be intriguing….


    • Ooh… good catch. I wasn’t quite sure if that would come off right…. I wanted to say was ‘he felt his mind released back to his own body’ but it felt wordy. Will have to find something better that says that, I guess.

      And yeah… the kids (including Kieri) had been causing trouble during the whole meal. Kieri even got thwacked by the governess for throwing olives.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A suggestion; rather than say it at all, maybe get into his skin, and his mind, and feel what that coming-back was like…the sensations and thoughts that go along with it?

        Throwing olives sounds like fun! Silly governess should have just joined in! =)


        • I thought about that, but in some ways I felt it was wrong. We’re supposed to get into his head gradually… Maybe just make it quicker? Dunno, will think about it.

          Shenta was never the playful type. And she’s got it out for Kieri at this point a bit anyway….

          Liked by 1 person

          • Devil’s advocate time…WHY are we supposed to get into his head gradually, and why couldn’t this be a part of that?

            I’m thinking that telling it in any way isn’t going to give as deep an experience, for the reader, as FEELING it…

            Maybe, you could go a little more into his senses, so that he becomes more aware of the room, the way his body feels, what it smells and sounds like….maybe, at first, it’s still odd to be alone in his own body, and not with her and hers?


            • Hmm, I get you. And I do get what your saying. Can’t do the last part… He was never in hers or “with her”. She noticed his spirit in the psychic planes and just sort of used the equivalent of psychic hands to just hold his mind/soul ‘on a string’ (not literally) and effectively dangle it in the ethereal planes while she tried to decide what to do with him… and mostly she did it because she knew that there are others who watch her home that she didn’t want him getting hurt by if they caught him… but he doesn’t (and can’t) know that at this point in time… They’ve only just met a few hours ago.

              Liked by 1 person

            • OK – now she just sounds kind of creepy! Careful, but creepy.

              I wonder if he might sense something like a bubble popping, and normal reality reassertnig itself?


            • Creepy could fit her all too well. She IS Atyr after all. ;-D

              Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness I’ve missed the last few weeks so I’m thoroughly in the dark, but this was such an intriguing snippet!! Can’t wait to find out more!


  5. She is QUITE the distraction, it seems. Does she have the Sight, too, or was it more of a figurative locking gazes?


    • She has something ‘like’ Sight, but not quite the same. And there was nothing figurative about it… She grabbed his mind/thoughts and held him trapped when she realized he was snooping on the psychic planes. And he was right be be scared, because she’s not even the real danger here.


  6. Busted! 😀

    Such nice friends he has, spiking his drink with something to make him throw up. Or maybe they’re not friends. Either way, he should probably not let himself get so distracted around them. I love the watching-imagining-withing-he-weren’t thing. That’s great. 🙂