Could Not Be — 10th #WeWriWa

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It’s a bloghop!

Good morning, and welcome to my tenth Weekend Writing Warriors installment. The rules are simple enough:

  • Add your name and genre(s) to the most recent post on the WeWriWa site
  • Post a link to the WeWriWa site on your blog/Sunday post
  • Keep your excerpt 10 sentences or less (8-10, no more!)
  • Visit other WeWriWa authors and experience their work

(Find a complete set on the WeWriWa page as well as links to pages of all the authors involved. Check it out.)


At last, I return to Courting The Swan Song for WeWriWa excerpts.  I hope you didn’t mind indulging my fondness for fanfiction last month.  Did any of you notice that Alanii was mentioned in one of them?  I put all of my characters through their paces in the Was Long Variation before I let them completely free in their own world.  Or at least, I try to; my characters usually have other ideas.

This excerpt follows about half a page after my last CTSS excerpt, It Suits Me Poorly:

Alanii stopped himself short. ‘Ssell? Vissellii Marae? This genteel lady could not be his friend’s snippy, mud-haired, spear-pole of a sister. He stared at the young woman who was now offering Val an embrace and a peck on the cheek. She turned next to offer her uncle the same.

He found his voice and his nerve. After the young woman had been freed by the Hastor Major, Alanii managed to be right there next to take her hand. “Lady Vissellii, it’s been a long time. How are you today?”

Thanks for stopping by!

Upcoming:

  • WIPpet Wednesday brings most writerly bloghoppy happiness.  Please come by to enjoy another sample from the Was Long Variation there.
  • For those who are looking for more of my fiction, you can find it here.

36 responses to “Could Not Be — 10th #WeWriWa

  1. love when they’re surprised by how someone’s changed. Great snippet

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    • It’s kind of funny how we are always trying to change and grow and improve ourselves and then get stunned when we see someone we used to know ho managed the same thing

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  2. I like “spear-pole of a sister.” Sounds like he’s pleasantly surprised.

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  3. Great scene! I did notice. His curiosity intrigues me. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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  4. oooh, a moment with a friends sister. romance in the air perhaps?

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  5. Interesting snippet with a fine description of a different time and place.

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    • I tr to make my flashes to the past small and mostly unobtrusive, so hopefully readers will forgive me for making the occasional big burst here and there.

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  6. Nice! Sounds like Alanii is a goner.

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  7. You have such a nice, effortless style to your writing. Really enjoyed this snippet! 🙂

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  8. Cute how he was so stunned by her fabulous new appearance.

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  9. Nice eight with good descriptions. Sparked a lot of questions. I’m looking forward to next week.

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  10. Love the way you describe the way she used to look.

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  11. From his original description of her – the ugly duckling has blossomed into a beautiful swan.

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  12. Ooh, one of those fun little surprises in life, when the ugly duckling grows up into that swan. I enjoyed the excerpt very much!

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  13. I love the description of his memory of Vissellii. I can picture her immediately! I especially like the term “spear-pole.”

    Passive voice is something I’ve been trying to fix in my own writing, so I hope you don’t mind me pointing this out: “was now offering” could be “now offered” instead.

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    • Thanks for your comments, Lynn. I’m glad a clear image of her came through.

      I get what you mean about the passive voice. I have to stick to my guns in this case though. Though often labeled as passive, the past imperfective tense was the effect I was going for. I wanted to show she was still offering (and that her offer hadn’t been immediately accepted by her brother who was trying to not break protocol more than he already had by calling out to her) the hug and kiss. The pluperfect “had offered” would mean the action was done for good or ill.

      But the fact you noted this means I definitely need to consider a better way to show her brother’s behavior through Alanii’s observations. Thanks for pointing it out.

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  14. LOL. I guess she changed a lot.

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  15. Well, people do grow up, after all. 🙂

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  16. Wonderful job at hiding his repulsion! But I can’t help but sense something else is on the horizon for these two . . . oh, and spearpole of a sister?? That is just GOLD, Eden! Love your writing style!

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  17. chellecordero

    I could practically hear him gulping, lol. Well done.

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  18. Nice skip from how he saw her then to how he sees her now. Wonder how she remembers him. Maybe she should worry. 🙂

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    • They both should worry… their families aren’t going to be keen on these two interfering with plans.

      Thanks for commenting, Gem. Sorry I replied so late

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  19. “…snippy, mud-haired, spear-pole of a sister.” Wonderful! I definitely chuckled at that description. I think this snippet sets a good hook. Nicely done, Eden!

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