Not Smiling

MjAxNC04ZjBlYTU5ZmNiZjdiZjY4Yeah… I think they did. That means it’s time for another bit of a recent Work In Progress from yours truly.

I don’t have a name for this piece yet. Unlike my recent pieces (from Courting The Swan Song), this is just something I whipped together from a brainstorming session I had last Thursday. I suspect, given the time period it’s cast in, this will follow in one of my sandbox pieces like the Was Long Variation, The Dots or even Phuque Yew. Right now, it’s more of a way to work on ‘Listii’s character, particularly ‘Listii when he is really off his game.  Of course, most people would be in this situation.

I’m starting at the beginning (or at least where I started, with pretty much the raw text I wrote (edited for readability). Nine sentences for the month (January=1) and the date (1+7).

What was it with the nightmares lately?

Valistii looked woefully at the cup in front of him, wishing it held something stronger than coffee to help drive the last of the week’s exhaustion from him. He pushed it toward the middle of the table, as one of the trainees came by with a carafe. “Another half, if you would, darling.”

He didn’t try to smile, sure that any expression he tried to make right now would look like a snarl. He didn’t event try to meet the lass’ gaze at all.

Any normal day, he’d have been happy to stare. Today he wasn’t even sure he could call her a pretty thing. She just was prettier than most anyone else in the barrack’s mess, or she would be, if she didn’t look like his dead sister.

If you enjoyed that and would like to see more post of this type, head over to the WIPpet linky and visit some our other awesome members. We are hosted weekly by the delightful Emily Wrayburn.

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15 responses to “Not Smiling

  1. I love your working titles. I think I should try naming my projects that way until something better strikes.

    I’ve had days like that, when even coffee isn’t strong enough to shake off the exhaustion. It must be bad if he can’t even smile or enjoy the pretty server.

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    • Thanks! It can be a problem when I start looking at titles and notebooks and wonder “Which notebook in the continuation of Pinkfolder draft is it in?” and stuff like that…

      He does have his reasons for not being able to look at her.

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  2. Whoa! That last line is a ‘say what?’ – especially with the kind of humdrum-ness of him drinking his coffee beforehand. I like it! Also, Phuque Yew is a brilliant title! 😀

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    • I’m not quite sure it’s a brilliant title, but it’s great for a working one when I’m still in that creative process…

      I’m glad the contrast came through

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  3. That last line. Oh, wow. 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, that last line!

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  5. Wow. Love this WIPpet. The character comes across so strongly in such a short excerpt. Well done, and I definitely want to read more! 🙂

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  6. I like the look of WIPpet Wednesday. I have so many blog hops I want to be involved in now. I am making the assumption that is raw first draft too? I look forward to more WIPpet’s and then I might join in 🙂

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    • Yes, this particular piece is raw (It’s almost stream of consciousness (I did fix some spelling and punctuation errors).

      I’m glad you enjoyed the piece, and I know we’d love it if you joined in our bloghop. It’s a pretty easy way to share a sense of our works and to get some feedback/interest, and there is a playful element involved in the way we try to make up maths that fit our dates (sometimes we get extravagant, sometimes it’s rather simple). Hope to see your link in our hop soon, Ingrid.

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  7. Emily Wrayburn

    sure that any expression he tried to make right now would look like a snarl.
    I know that feeing.

    That last lilne, though! Does put a new spin on the paragraphs that come before it.

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  8. Pingback: #WIPpet Wednesday: Why Not? | Many Worlds From Many Minds