Category Archives: philosophies

I must have blinked…

2012 is gone; I knew this was coming, but…  I must have blinked.  It’s already almost a week into 2013.

I must have blinked.

Don't Blink

No Weeping Angels for me

Well, no Weeping Angels for me–I prefer the idea of approaching this new year with new challenges and a new perspective… and more dancing.  Even my lonely assassin is looking on with joy.

New years bring about one other thing–resolutions.  Usually there is an assessment of the “successes and failures” of the previous year to compare to and lots of “I intend to do better at…  X,Y, and Z” or “This is the year that I will do it”… whatever it is.

I think I’ll pass.  It’s not about success or failure anymore.  It’s about focus and direction, and it’s also about not apologizing for my humanity or feeling guilty about things I cannot change.

So…  I have no resolutions.  I simply intend to keep living my life as before, doing as best I can from moment to moment.

This isn’t to say I don’t have goals and plans  for the year.   I do.  Not just for today, not just for this year even.  I have my goals, my hopes and dreams that I intend to work on to make into realities (at least for now, while they still draw me with the same intensity and power they do at the present).

So here is how I intend to achieve my goals:

  • I intend to keep writing and working on my stories, polishing them, adding to them, deleting from them, tweaking them…
  • New writing I intend to be on the average of 1500 words a week (for the moment).  It’s a modest goal that I intend to build as I regain use of my left hand.
  • Stair walking and lots of flexibility exercises…  I miss really hiking and seeing mountains and waterfalls the way I used to before I became a mom.   And I want to share the joy I found in those moments with my Boodle…
  • The ROW80 challenge ROWnd 1 (writing goals) and the 2013 Goodreads Challenge (reading goals)

That’s it.  Hope to share the journey with you, and when this time comes around next year, we’ll have had a super time.

Did You Ever… ROW80?

Almost two months ago I posted the first of what was supposed to be three posts for the Versatile Blogger Award I’d been given by the darling Natasha Guadalupe (who could not join us this ROWnd, but says she’d love to get some more writing in)…..

That first post went something like this:

Did you ever feel that the Universe was reading your mind?

It’s been one of those days–one of those glorious weeks actually when every thing I do or see somehow has a deeper connection to the mental stew I’ve been brewing.  Right now the dish I’m trying to serve up is a bit odd to say the least.  The flavor certainly isn’t right, odd textures, and a lot of it is just water and some bouillon cubes.  Yes, I should have made stock, but I was in a hurry to start some things cooking.  People wanted to eat, and I felt like a truck had dragged me down the Thruway behind it.

But the stuff I saw along the way….  Wow!

Very Yummy Eggplant StewIt seems almost comical to read those words now.  Not that things are any harder or more challenging or that I seen newer and brighter things that put my naivete of that post to shame….  I mean, in a sense, they are, they keep getting that way, and I have…but I have come to understand that is part of the beauty and magic that comes for being involved with challenges like the ROW80 and the A-to-Z blogging challenge (though yet again I did not join in the fun choosing instead the once a year Story A Day challenge to fill my May play book).  It is also why groups the WANAs and even the classic discussion lists of and Usenet have built the followings they have.

Because there connection is magic.  Connection is love and beauty.

It’s not hard to figure out how one of the most powerful human abilities became nearly synonymous with that universal act of sex and reproduction.  There is a kind of magic there, of making something new, of giving life and new voice existence, and for many lucky species on this planet….connection.  Euphoria, empowerment (along with some fear and hurt, yes), passion, intensity and love…  The creative act is an act of connection, be it with a higher power or with one’s own true self.

Just imagine what can happen when that act of connection is shared among so many many….

Did you ever ROW80?  I have.  MMmm….

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Words… words, words, words

There is a viral photo that makes its way around Facebook and Tumblr and probably every other social media site out there at least once every two or three weeks.  And it’s my turn to share it because it’s really important to me.

Always speak with consideration and purpose

This picture always jerks my heart-strings.  I’ve seen this exact expression on my little boy’s face before.  To my shame, there have been times I put it there.  I sometimes think I need to see this picture at least twice a day as personal penance for what I did to someone who deserves no less than the fullest expression of my love, but often receives my short temper and my frazzled nerves and my mental vacancy.

And because I have had my fair share of years in suffering for the words of others.  No matter how much I was told to “stop being such a baby” or to “grow up” (or the infamous “You think that hurt?  How about this?“–usually followed by some physically violent act), I know which injuries actually hurt the most and the longest.

Yesterday, my son said something on our ride home…  We’d been having a talk on respect because of an incident at school, and I was asking him how he would have felt if his father or I had done the same thing to him so he might hopefully understand how his actions were affecting others.    We seemed to have connected well at the moment, and rather than dwell on the issue, I tried to shift the conversation by pointing out a turtle I saw trying to cross the road in front of us.

“Is he* dead?”

“No.   He’s fine.  But this is a bad time for him to be crossing the road.  There’s a lot of traffic right now.”

“Did you run him over?”

“I was able to go around him, Sweetie.”

“Oh.  I hope the car behind us hits him and he dies.”

I just…  Well, a double take certain happened.  My normally gentle Boodle who still wants to cuddle and hug and sing “You are My Sunshine” with us in his little boy soprano before bedtime–how could he ever want to cause another living creature suffering?  I remembered how much he’d cried when, during a walk one day, we saw a dead rabbit along the road once, and he needed a huge hug.

And so I had to ask him again.  ‘How would he have felt if either his father or I, or any of his school mates, said that about our kitty Stimpy or about one of us….  Did he really think that was a kind thing to say?’

And maybe I tried to make my point too hard, because I saw that expression.  And he woke up last night from a bad dream, because he was sorry that he’d hurt the turtle, and he hoped it didn’t get hit.

Since I didn’t drive him into school today, I didn’t have a chance to see if the turtle did survive.  I confess, I’m rather glad.  What has happened, has happened.  And if I’d driven, I know the Boodle would have asked.  He does things like that.

*Yes, I know the turtle was very likely a female looking for a place to nest, but it seemed silly to argue semantics at the time

Now, for my ROW80 check-in:

Most anything I have to report fits into the SNAFU category.  Nothing particularly wrong.  Stuff is getting done, slowly.  I’ve actually made some great progress on my reading so that’s a bonus I had not expected.  It just feels like things are stagnating.

I’m experiencing a lot of personal resistance to the editing process for Release.  There is a part of myself that so desperately wants to just let the project die, and there is also that part that wants to do something with it.  I’m plying my mental energy on other projects while I try to figure out what I want to do.  I’m starting to think, if I am going to use it, a full rewrite may be in order, as well as a whole restructuring of all three parts of Parvenu (that Release is the first piece of–or rather used to be ).

Beyond that, I could go into specifics about the number of pages typed, the words explored…  Instead, here’s a link to my goals this ROWnd.  I’m ahead of everything except number of words of “new story”, and I’m not too far behind on that, even if it’s all in the wrong story.

So, any other ROWers here?  How’d your week go?

If you aren’t a ROW80 member and would like to see the blogs of some of our other amazing writers, here’s a linky for this check-in.  And here is a link to the main Round of Words in 80 Days for more on this writing challenge.

And lastly, here is one of my favorite Madonna songs: Words  because they DO matter.