Every few months or so I get to wondering about what it might feel like to get old. You see, despite the fact that I am now 43 and starting to see a nice thin streak of silver in my hair, I don’t feel like I’m any older than I ever was.
I feel much younger than I did when I was leaving college. Back then I felt the weight of the world on me; I felt the weight of my family on me; I felt…
old and careworn.
I feel younger now than I did when I was in high school. Then I felt responsible for so many things I couldn’t change–not that I knew it at the time–but I felt I had a job to fix them all.
I was tired and careworn.
I can vaguely remember days when I felt young. I think it was yesterday…. or maybe this morning.
So all this thinking confused me. What exactly is young? What is old?
I checked the dictionary, and that didn’t really help at all. I still feel younger now than ever.
I must be getting younger each year.
I feel a strong awareness of how short a time I have on this earth, I feel very inexperienced, and… enthusiasm and optimism? I have those in spades. I can’t say I was “made or built” long ago; these 43 years are a pittance to human existence. Barely a breath–how I would love to breathe longer! There is so much to see and experience. And half the time we spend here involves just getting ready to enjoy it all and see it all… Preparation takes up years upon years of this precious time we have been given.
We live our lives backwards.
And I truly believe I am growing younger. The only possible way to say I am getting older is if the idea of appreciating how much there is comes with age. If so, then I am ancient beyond my years… and proud of it (and I’m glad I’m past those horrible middle years then too).
There is something amazing about real youth, the complete newness of everything. There is also something amazing about being “old” enough to see everything for the wonder that it is and…to not give one damn if someone laughs at you if you wear a big purple hat. In fact, I need to find myself a good big purple hat (though a Red one would look better with my coloring, it’s not so much about the looks… It’s about the joy and the realization that being alive is … WONDERFUL!
Young or old, I am happy to be alive.
My Row80 Check-IN
After Sunday’s check-in with the excitement of the day, I found… nothing. We have no real answer as to why my computer is acting up. The only issue we can see? It’s old. It’s got a 2GB memory limitation on the motherboard, and part of that is shared with the video adapter. It’s a 64-bit processor, but most things don’t seem to want to run in that mode… And it’s only one processor, and some applications, such as my sound driver and the Microsoft Security Essentials want to demand more “brainpower” that the machine seems able to give with so many hungry programs such as Picassa, Seamonkey and Minecraft running.
So most of Sunday I spent reading while I watched my computer try to sort itself out. I also checked out my laptop and found that had a virus on it. Odd since that machine was actually running better than this one….
I didn’t get much writing done on Sunday. Monday, I wrote. Tuesday I wrote and attended both #teamsprinty sprints. That’s writing and social media. I got my sponsor visits done Monday and checked back for a few extras Tuesday.
I even got out of the house and exercised (walking around abandoned houses and meeting local horse owners) on Monday with my camera. I’m not quite as happy with those shots as I could be, but I’m pleased enough. It’s all a learning experience.
And lastly I’m clearing my reading pile a bit more. Partly because I stopped trying to be so fussy about what I would read. Craft books… I can read craft books. They count! I told myself that, and now I’m off having playtime again.
It’s great to be alive and so very young. Don’t you agree?
Please enjoy with me a wonderful poem by Maya Angelou that sums up my feels lately…. Phenomenal Woman.