Tag Archives: hurt

Thank… Whatever

Two things today… a WIPpet and at the end of this post, a brief ROW80 End of Round update.


Today’s WIPpet follows on the heels of the piece I posted two weeks ago from my The Odds fanfic. The first line today is the last line from last week.  Andy and Kieri are getting a new perspective on each other.

This snippet is a bit longer than most of the ones I post.  I hope you’ll bear with me as it closes at a good spot (imho, of course).  There are ten (mostly small) paragraphs.  There’s one 2 in the 12 for December; divide the day (20) by that 2 and you have ten…

“Did you cry when I was shot?”

His lover stopped, still turned away. Though Kieri didn’t answer for several breaths, thankfully he finally did before Andy felt inspired to head over and hound him. “Of course.”

Kieri still didn’t turn to face him, but Andy didn’t feel like a little kid chasing an idol now as he walked around look at him. The other man’s lips pursed in something close to a snarl. He practically spat as he continued. “I was damned banshee for weeks after.” Now Kieri looked at him. It was a look that made Andy’s blood freeze. “As lost as the day I’d lost Pem, maybe more… I don’t know. I didn’t feel like killing myself—I didn’t feel, if you have to know. I stopped feeling. Stopped caring. None of it seemed to matter. I stayed in our room until Vern had the rest of the guys drag us out of there so he could bury you, the second week after it had happened.”

Andy grimaced. “Two weeks? Not that I don’t—ugh, that’s just wrong.”

“Yeah, maybe. But I didn’t care. It was my fault you’d died, and I..I just wanted you back, maybe I thought I could trade places with you. I don’t know.”

He nodded, though like the story of the Andar’s wife, he really didn’t understand. To do such a thing and yet not be able to share his feelings… Even now the man was evading him. Though maybe the barriers were down enough. “Why?  I don’t see how it would have helped.”

As close as they’d been, sex, passion, great talks, all the closeness and ideas they’d shared, he’d never seen Kieri shed a tear or show tenderness in any way for him.

Now he was seeing it; it shook him. It had taken his death to do this. Andy had always hoped to crack Kieri’s shell with who he was, not with what they’d suffered. He couldn’t love a rock.

Still, the words came, unwanted now. “That didn’t matter though. I loved you—you’d been everything to me, and I’d been too stupid to understand that until it was too late.”

Andy wasn’t sure what to say. It nothing like he’d hoped, and he needed to understand why. He looked at the floor, tracing the lines of the pattern in the tiles with his gaze. “We should get going.”

Thank the god, goddess, whatever… Thank Whatever that the other man just agreed.

Hope you enjoyed that piece.  If you’d like more head over to our special WIPpet linky and visit our other awesome members.  Thank you, Emily Wrayburn, for being such a gracious host.

A little ROw80 update

Today, for those of you who participate in the A Round of Words in 80 Days writing challenge, is the last day of Round 4.  It’s the last day of the year in ROW80 terms as well.

I’d like to say I ended the year on a high note.  True, I don’t feel this was my most productive year as a writer—instead it became a year for different discoveries and developing new skills.  The biggest would be learning how to understand the patterns both in my writing but also that in others’ writings.  And to recognize where some of my limits actually lie and devising strategies to work around them instead of trying to press through difficulties, failing and then bashing myself against those walls in frustration.

I’ve also learned how to better handle time constraints, and how to make the best of inspirational sparks when they arrive.  It’s been a year of reading, as I’ve rediscovered a love for books that had faded for a time after some particularly wall-worthy texts had landed in my hands.

In all…  not a bad year.

 

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Sort of… a ROW80 check-in

ROW80LogocopyMaybe I’m just not ready to write this yet…  I have story ideas that need to be put on the page, and the only thing keeping me from doing that is this insane need to dot my Is and cross my Ts so that I can say “ah… finally, I can relax and spend time with my characters”…

Thing is…  it’s late for me already, and this medicine I started a few days ago for the tick bite (doxycyline, so not really a nasty one; it’s just somehow hitting me badly) made eating exciting all day.  Oh, that and the big drill in my mouth and sore jaw from getting fitted for a new crown….

At this rate I’ll have more porcelain in my mouth than tooth.  Actually…  I thin I’m already be there.

But there lies the check-in and the sort-of all in one…  I’ve been writing.  I feel the urge and the need to write.  Life has not been cooperating with me.  And I just sliced my palm open on one of those upholstery staples, so typing hurts.

I’m a very talented lady, with lots of words to write.  I haven’t been as good at my non-writing goals (I took pictures yesterday, but not today; I haven’t been doing my languages, no MOOCs, I did do push-up practice…  actually a pretty productive couple of days when I think of it).

Tomorrow I’ll be reopening the linky for the First Friday Photo on my other blog The Garden of Delights.  It’s just a once a month thing, and I’d love it if you’d like to contribute an image.

This isn’t my contribution…  this is what I’d be doing right now if I could.  A few months to go before we hit Saranac however.

On the Lake

On the Lake

Sunday, Rainy Sunday

We so dearly needed the rain here…  not the way California needs rain, but on a pretty drastic level for this time of the year.  The change already is beautiful.  Since last night the grass has greened up; the air feels more natural…

Now…  it’s California’s turn.


Bo Staff (Wikimedia)

It’s been a rocky couple of days, mostly emotional rocks, for me.  I know I should be “beyond stupid kid crap” by now…  I mean, I’m 45 years old!  What should I care about teenagers howling out of a car?  Thing is…  it hurt, and it knocked me for more of a loop than I thought it would…  as much because I was angry that it did still affect me.

Oh, yeah, context…  Well, Friday, I took my bo staff with me when we went to my son’s school (I teach on Fridays, and since weapons class is Saturday mornings, I like to get at least one practice in during my freetime before classes).  Normally I practice on the lawn, but I elected to use the parking lot as I was wearing sandals (love my Dr. Scholls) and a dress this week and didn’t want to stumble in the uneven grass.

Anyway…  As I was doing my kata, some kids drove by and started laughing out the windows at me, then drove back to tell me how funny-looking I was…

It still sucks to even remember it.  And…  I don’t really know why, not anymore.  I know my teacher was impressed by my staff-work yesterday in class.  I know I am surrounded by supportive family members and classmates.  And….  I doubt they could have done as well.

But it still hurts….

ROW80 Check-in

ROW80LogocopyBut enough about me and my problems…  let me tell you about me and my goals!  😀

  • Writing — a little slack…  I did my OMW, and a lot of scene-planning for tomorrow’s start of JuNoWriMo
  • Time with characters/storyworld — A bit every day…  though some of involved daydreaming and not actual writing
  • Pushups/general fitness — three full hour classes of karate and weapons work, plus yard work, some push-up training…  my back kind of hurts now.
  • Camera time daily — missed yesterday…  and the Boodle is frustrated with me because I took an extra 20 minutes to get home after karate class on Friday to grab a sunset shot…  But I need to get ready for this month’s First Friday Photo
  • French and German daily 10 minutes — daily lessons/practice sessions…  missed yesterday 😦
  • MOOCs — nada  😦

I kind of flumped yesterday.  After class I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with the world….  that’s why crap like what happened on Friday really bothers me.  Because I know it’s not just me that gets torn down by such things.  Yesterday, I flumped, and I snacked and…  basically self-comforted, trying to lift my mood, when I shouldn’t have had to.  And…  I probably undid all the good of all that exercise by plowing through a whole bag of Utz Sour Cream & Onion potato chips, undid by a serious magnitude.

Anyway, pressing on…  How about you go visit some other ROWers.  I bet they need your cheering and support too.  We’re all in this together in this Writing Life.