For those of you who’ve never heard of Beaver Lake Sue, it’s my mother. How she got that nickname is a story for another day.
For this post I wish to share one of her “Mommisms”, as the nascent “Mark of a Man” blogfest got me thinking about her advice to me when my son was born.
“Decide what you are willing to put up with and never compromise once you know your limits.”
As Mom-advice goes, I think it’s pretty much universally applicable . It even applies to the ROW80 and the check-in I’ll be including at the bottom of this post.
Where I see it applies to the Mark of a Man comes from Julie Glover’s wonderful post, Stepping Up and Stepping Out that she did for the fest. It comes from “guys”.
Guys are well… guys. Even the word sounds like a toss off. Guh…eyezzz…
Sounds like something that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe and doesn’t want to come off. It doesn’t even have the faint ferocity of girls with its token growl. It’s a meh word about a meh attitude some meh people carry inside them about themselves and others.
Then there is the word man or men. “Man” is decisive and firm. There is quickness to acknowledge itself as being worthy of a title. The plural softens just slightly, perhaps in admission to the magnification of its power.
Yes, power. A man is powerful. I’m not talking about muscles, though on average men do tend to build muscle better than women. I’m talking about that sense that a real man has of being good enough for whatever task he takes on and not needing to prove his prowess to the world.
I’m not talking about Players or Casanovas or … guys.
A man isn’t perfect (no more than any woman is). A man can’t do it all. Point is–he knows it. He accepts it, and he does what he can do to the best of his ability. If he can’t commit to a woman when he’s interested, he tells her up front. If he doesn’t know if he can, he says that too. Honesty and sharing his feelings costs him nothing, because his personal value isn’t tied up in image. It’s tied up in the very core of his being.
And what does all this have to do with my mom’s advice? Just this: I see a lot of people out there who are unhappy because they got into a relationship with someone thinking “I love so much about him/her, and I’m sure that s/he can change” (unfortunately the thing they’re hoping will change usually involves physical or emotional abuse).
Stop right there!
Go back to the beginning of the post and re-read what Mom said. Now think about this: You cannot make a person change who they are. You can change; they can choose to change of the own accord, but you cannot make it happen.
So decide what you’re willing to put up with, what you’ll allow to happen, and don’t compromise. Better to say “no” to yourself now than risk hurting both of you and possibly others in the future…
Caveat emptor: You can be surprised–we’re always growing and changing as human beings, and all may work out just fine.
This week in the ROW80
Since I didn’t have much to say on Wednesday I probably should make a more detailed report for this week’s check-in. However, since we’re all dodging high fevers here and have been since last Sunday there’s not much more to report.
I have managed to increase my daily average word count from 800 words to 950. It’s not a big increase, but it is an increase.
I’ve found, courtesy of EM Castellan, another delightful blogging/Twitter group, Thursday’s Children, that shares posts on inspiration and writing. Despite being a “Thursday’s Child” since I was born, I’m not quite ready to join the fray (I’m learning what I am willing to deal with–I said Mom’s advice applied here too) if they’d have me. But reading the member posts was great fun and definitely inspiring. Well worth a visit.
The trade-off in my responsive blogging and the house sick has been that I’m still not meeting my editing goals. I have done about three pages all week. 😦
My social media and my reading goals are in track. My Goodreads Challenge page says otherwise, but if I keep on at this pace I will be able to add another four books in a week to my tally. And I suspect I’ll be electing a few less page-heavy classics from the pile next.
My ROW80 fitness goals have fallen by the wayside this week. Ick does that… I didn’t get to the YMCA at all. I did manage some aerobics in the house between tasks, and there has been a LOT of running up and down the stairs to deal with sick family members.
I did say when we bought our house I wanted stairs to help encourage me to be active…..
Anyway, that’s about it. Have a great week and if you feel inclined, here is the linky for the ROW80. How about visiting a few more of our awesome crew?
Some last notes:
- Beaver Lake is not the commonly known one in Pennsylvania, but rather a small lake in Onondaga Cty, NY.
- The photo of Rudyard Kipling’s “If” is credit Wikimedia Commons
- There is a cool story behind the poem, and an article to it here