Tag Archives: thankful

Some Words Sunday — Joy

Three Sisters

I’m late posting today, but it’s been one amazing day.  Long too…

Today got spent on joy.  Perhaps not so much my joy, but I certainly got plenty too.  Today was volunteer clean-up day at Vale Park Cemetery in Schenectady.   It was also my son’s other Asperger’s Group meeting.

And coincidentally, it was also the day I took some amazing photos of tree flowers and the Nott Memorial at Union College.  The Wikimedia image is pretty awesome for that, but I think mine is pretty cool too.

The volunteer time was work, but the improvement of the grounds where we worked was easy to see.  (It’s almost sad to say how easy it is to tell where we did the clean up.)  I’ve done Highway Clean-ups with our local atheist group, this project was part of the Capital Region Pagan Alliance, and the point isn’t the group–it’s the gift of one’s self to something or someone else.

Whenever I am feeling stressed out because of all the things I have to do, I need a day like this.  As much as I find my days home alone getting stuff done, I find myself replenished far more by the gift of myself.

In this, there is joy.

ROW80 Check-In

It’s that time of the week.  I didn’t do as much writing as I’d have liked.  Actually I spent far too much of the week editing photos.

I’m still editing photos.  As much joy as I find in creating art with my camera, I’m finding that the learning curve is pretty steep.  I never took photography in school, and when my dad was inspired to teach me, I rebelled against anything that might involve him “lecturing at me”.  So I’m learning…. slowly and often painfully.

My ROW80 sponsor duties are doing well.  And I did manage some #teamsprinty time (again, mostly editing photos, but also some writing).  It was mostly on blog-stuff.  I need to remember August McLaughlin’s Blogging Commandments.  The story(/stories) should be taking precedence.

I did make it to a StoryDam chat this Thursday (yay!), and that was a hoot as usual.  I enjoy chats with other writers; I enjoy chats with most any creative person.  Except maybe cooks…  Cooks intimidate me.  I mean, I like cooks all well and fine, but cooks generally scare the heck out of me.  Always have…  I turn into a babbling idiot and want to run out the door in tears when I have to talk to a cook.

Instead of mourning the fact I didn’t get much writing done (I did finish two books on my To Be Read pile out of need to escape my computer), I have today’s joy to savor and the knowledge that it’s all growth.  I’ve learned a lot this past week.   I had a lot of fun.

And I took a lot of great pictures.

A bunch of awesome people, and me too.  ;-)

A bunch of awesome people, and me too. 😉

This isn’t one of them, but then I was across the road holding the remote in my hand as my camera sat in the gravel.  The impressive part is the amount of garbage we collected in three hours…

It’s the start of a new week and new ROW80 linky.  Here it is.  Why not go visit some of the other awesome people on it?

 

 

 

Friday Photo: Cloudy Skies

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Just the sky

Just the sky

The ick in our house continues, but looking at beauty, especially during these new come days of Spring, outside I have little trouble sharing something to enjoy.

March brings all sorts of clouds as it brings weather changes daily, skies filled with rushing colors and textures.  My love of Maxfield Parrish color-schemes will probably be apparent in most of these.  I love sunrises and sunsets, great contrasts and vivid colors.

I hope you enjoy these shots as much as I do, and I hope they get you thinking of how beautiful our world is, no matter what the season.

Next week, let’s take the time to enjoy the return of Spring with flowers and rain.

 

Summer skies

Summer skies

I love pastel skies

I love pastel skies

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Sun rising

Before the storm

Before the storm

Clouds and Snow Devils

Clouds and Snow Devils

Clouds and shadow

Clouds and shadow

Summer Blues

Summer Blues

Morning has broken

Morning has broken

 

Too Long Behind the Curtain

The secrets of the universe: Silken threads th...Of late, I’ve wondered about some things.  Then as if the Universe was speaking to me, answers to the questions I’d been asking myself keep appearing.

Of course, a lot of what the Universe tells me seems to come from blog posts.  Yeah, I need to get out more.  🙂

So what are some of these revelations?

Somewhere down the roads I’ve traveled, I made a wrongheaded choice.  I always thought so, but I didn’t know what the choice was.  I had some suspicions, but I needed proof.  It came from reading this post on Seth Godin’s blog.

I watch too much, and I participate too little.  I don’t act.  I don’t step out.

Sometimes I don’t because I really am not interested in the activity–that’s okay.  We shouldn’t all be interested in every little thing.  But in another way I make the wrong choice…  because I don’t want to look bad.  It’s silly of me, I guess (I use that word, that silly word so casually, but it’s not silly; the word is the right word, but it’s not too), but I cringe at the possibility of humiliation.

When there is a risk of being humiliated, my head and stomach roil, a ball of grade school and high school memories that I have to drag myself out from.   Alive once more come the days when I felt I had nowhere safe to be, days I would hide in my parent’s car when the bus went by, even though I knew what would happen when my parents found out I would skipped school because the thought of going there hurt so much.

I have a story of a knife-shaped letter opener, the Hudson River and my dog that I might be able to tell someday.  I’m not there yet… it’s as much because I find my failure that day nearly as humiliating and painful as the reasons that brought me to that place.

Last week I read this article from the New York Times online magazine…  Some of the research in it was eye-opening.   I thought about the people I still knew from high school, about the things they posted on their Facebook statuses, how I was afraid to even post the link to my Writer Page for fear I would draw their attention to me and who I was–who I was over 25 years ago.

Yes, it’s been that long.  It’s been that long, and it doesn’t take more than a few status messages to remind me of something:  I managed to get through high school with little more than a missing letter opener and some visits to those nice people in the clean white suits because I had a few “people who didn’t know me for me” experiences.

Being around people who didn’t know my past allowed me to be myself and didn’t laugh.  A summer camp, a chorus filled with adults who were well past the high school “fluff” (though at the time I believed they knew all my horrid secrets and were humoring me)…  I had a mostly amazing experience at NYSSSA between grades 11 and 12 (mostly, because it was also my first “real” experience with a boyfriend beyond handholding and some kisses…and it ended badly).

I’m not complaining.

In the grand scheme of things, I have a wonderful life that I never could have imagined (well, beyond childhood fantasies of being a queen who ruled the world and lived in a department store where all the jewelry and pretty clothes were there for me to enjoy…).  Yes, life is in general good.  But it’s only as good as I have allowed myself to avoid letting myself be a risk taker.

I need to take risks if I want to actually be more than just a homemaker, just a wife and a mother.  Those things are good things, but I’ve always wanted more.  I want more for me.  My husband wishes more for me.  He knows that I am not doing things that make me feel fulfilled.

So doing matters.

Baby stepsFor the moment, it’s about writing this blog post.    It’s about admitting things that scare me about myself and the future.  It’s not about waiting for someone else to say they accept me before I act.  It’s about finishing Release and publishing it.  It’s about putting my photos out there for the world to see.  And it’s about doing it…again and again and again.

I don’t actually know where the future will lead me.  I do know that my journeys in challenges such as the ROW80 and the2013 Goodreads Challenge are steps along the way.  I know that trying things like the Facebook 365 Project where I must post and take a picture a day offers another way to step out from behind the curtain.

I’ve made progress in all three of those.  Perhaps I haven’t reached all the bullet marks on my goals list…  I did plenty.  Plus I’ve taken out my drawing supplies and tried something new.  I’ve committed to joining a writing challenge… tomorrow.

More than just baby steps…

And that leads me to close with this post by Kristen Lamb about feeling overwhelmed by Social Media and how we can survive it by being honest about our limitations.  I haven’t figured out all my limitations, but I am starting to learn how to plan things better, to check before I commit, to say yes with confidence and not hope and uncertainty…   I’m even learning how to say no on occasion.

Photo credits:

  • The secrets of the universe: Silken threads that knit heaven and earth together part 2 (Photo credit: pb photoworks)
  • Myself